The need to be useful forever has flown away

It took a while but it's gone. Suddenly. Mid-March, early in the morning. I was walking Kiara, our dog. The sun was shining, birds were chirping, nature was in full bloom. Spain is beautiful in spring. So we wandered down our path. A deep realization came over me. Wow, for the first time I feel that I no longer have to make myself useful. I can live life as it comes to me. That cup that kept coming up and saying, “What are you doing now. You have to use all those experiences you have gained, all those possibilities. You can't just wander around while there are such major social issues that need to be addressed."

The cup is gone. Yeeehhh. Before that, I had already thought that it was very arrogant to think that only the work I did was useful and that all the other activities were not really useful. It has to do with the mantra; "use your talents where necessary", which has been deeply ingrained in me. At the same time, there is an increasing realization that other sides of me get the opportunity and attention to show themselves. Quite nice. But yes, that is allowed, it says cup. A number of things helped me in the process. First of all, time. It is a year and a half after I closed the door at the VNG and started my new life with Cornelius. My body and mind needed time to change their rhythm Not to plan every minute, get the adrenaline and cortisol levels down. And the ego too, not to forget learning to live with more attention and awareness.

Then traveling and meeting other ways of life. Especially to be closer to nature and to realize that my life is only a tiny part in the big picture. Hear background stories of people, their lifestyles. From my old English neighbor Richard, who is the living version of "The 100-year-old man who climbed out of the window and disappeared. To the Maori couple in New Zealand who gave us a hongi greeting and shared each other's breath of life. And beyond the books and films that I now have time to read and see. Such as "The Best Half" by Arjen Broers, a humorous philosophical and theological reflection on what to do in life. But the finishing touch came from the philosophy lectures of Lammert Kamphuis, author of Philosophy for an Unparalleled Life. A pleasure to follow his stories online every Thursday evening, in which he enthusiastically connects centuries-old questions and ideas about meaning and contemporary life. And how different ideas have a major influence on our society and living and thinking patterns. Well, it became a matter of feeling which philosopher suits me best. I came across Viktor Frankl, who emphasizes the specific meaning of individual life , at a certain time. You don't have to look for it, it will come. Look, that's something I can do.

In the meantime, we are building various places to live where we hope to receive family, friends and acquaintances and make it possible to experience the sweetness of life. Oh well, who knows, this is what I want.